Dating for jewish seperated singles
Many have resigned themselves to their lifestyle and created communities of likeminded Orthodox singles (particularly on the Upper West Side) to share shabbatot and yom tovim together where there is zero (often parental) pressure to get married.Shabbat and three-day yontiffs require peer support because Orthodoxy is essentially a group or family activity.Combine this with the relatively recent divorce boom in the Modern and centrist Orthodox communities and you have the makings of a midlife shiddach crisis.The over-40 frum single population is not nearly as homogeneous as those in their early 20s.There are also some never-marrieds who are confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes who actually revel in the superficially fun lifestyle of dating someone new all the time.These people will also tell you they’re still looking for “the one,” because it’s just socially unacceptable in the Orthodox world to say you don’t want to get married, but they really don’t.Contrasting the blizzard of twenty-something weddings is the near total dearth of nuptials for anyone Orthodox who is over 40.When was the last time you were at a wedding of some forty-somethings? There is a palpable personal and communal mania to get married in one’s early 20s which is contrasted by the equally palpable apathy about doing the same when one is over 40.
Manhattan has a large population of Orthodox women who will never have children. If a man is financially successful and perhaps reasonably attractive he can get married for the first time in his 40s but if by 50 he hasn’t tied the knot, women under 40 generally won’t consider him and he probably has a reputation of being commitment phobic, which earns him the sobriquet of “toxic bachelor.” The Divorced The escalating divorce rate in the Orthodox community apes the behavior of American society as a whole where there is a perception that quick and simple solutions exist to complex problems.
There’s nothing simple about divorce (especially with children) and it usually results in the swapping of one set of problems for another.
Sometimes people are so frantic to change their lives that they’ve no real idea of how difficult it may be to ever get remarried. People who divorced young, under 30 and with no kids or with one or two have a high probability of getting remarried if they’re marriage-minded.
Much has been made of the alleged “shiddach crisis” in the Orthodox community where girls of 22 and 23 feel as though they’re consigned to eternal spinsterhood if they’ve not gotten married by that point.
Not to denigrate the very real anxiety of these young ladies and their parents but at 22 a person has no end of personal possibilities and opportunities. While some may bemoan that every single young man and woman in their early 20s is not married by their 21st birthday, nevertheless there are no end of weddings filling up the calendar on any given Thursday or Sunday night and on many other afternoons and evenings as well.