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Several said they hadn’t thought of it before, even thanked me for pointing this gap out to them.They did, however, have a different kind of defense, quickly citing the historical reasons why.They would explain that they only listed books they had read more than once, authors whose work they had truly pored over, the brilliant minds behind the worn paperbacks they shoved into their messenger bags.One self-proclaimed avid reader listed just shy of 40 books and authors but failed to see that maybe he had some self-reflecting to do if no women made the cut.

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So if they really did love a bunch of books by women, as they claimed defensively when I asked, why were they so shy to include them in a forum where they are explicitly trying to impress and attract women? While girls are often shown from an early age that the way to impress a boy is to like boy things, boys are just as often shown from an early age that the way to impress a girl is to…also like boy things.When I was feeling particularly bold, I would ask the same of men I would otherwise be interested in, even if we had only matched and they hadn’t messaged me first. I matched with a handsome guy who quoted bell hooks in his profile but had a lady-less list in his books section. Luckily, most of the other men were surprisingly forthcoming.Responses were a mixed bag of thoughtful, defensive, funny, and long-winded.Instead of sifting through this mix to identify the gems and the turds, I lauded all of it as absolute genius.I feel more confident now in my likes and dislikes, but there remains an arena in which we all still try to put our most attractive and interesting selves forward: online dating profiles.

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